Chili con carnage cool rom
I’d love to try mutton in this but where the fuck can you find mutton these days?īrown your meat on every workable side in a cast iron skillet. Jesus! If you throw a ham hock or some smoked neck bones in there you will not be weeping bitter tears of regret when you’re all done. For chrissakes, don’t use any fucking hamburger. Chuck, shank, short ribs – that kind of thing. As I said, the cuts you want have a good dose of fat and gristle in them. Human flesh is best but it’s hard to find someone who needs killing and is worth eating, so you may as well use beef, maybe throw a bit of pork in there. Unlike its cousins, the various curries, chili requires the simplest of ingredients meat, chilies, garlic, salt, and chocolate. The result is stock that tastes more like meat than meat does, stock that adds flavor to whatever you cook in it.Īfter about a year of this the stock has accumulated enough gelatin to have the texture of vulcanized rubber at fridge temperatures. I don’t season it, don’t add vegetables – if there are any off-flavors they tend to accumulate and concentrate and that ain’t no good. What I do is make a nice strong stock and then use it over and over again, freezing it between uses. That kind of flesh needs to be cooked for a long time at low temperatures to be at its best, so when I’m in the mood for a pork shoulder or a chuck steak or the severed head of a local wino (Hey, everyone wave to Horizontal Mike!) I turn to the crock-pot.īut if you simmer meat in plain water you leach all the joy out of it. I like my meat the way I like my women – tough and fatty. It takes about a year to make Chili con Carnage. I’ll eat just about any chili you throw at me but there’s only one fucking proper way to make chili. As it happens, I agree with both perspectives. Either all chili is good – canned chili, Texas chili, Cincinnati chili, chili size, vegetarian chili, white chili, even the kind your mom makes with hamburger and canned kidney beans – or there’s a right way to make chili. The chili got the credit.įrom The Swill Kitchen - Chili con Carnage I gave her a few pounds of this chili she startled her doctor by recovering within weeks. My first editor, back when I was a cartoon scriptwriter, had a bad case of anemia. These days I make one kind of chili for use on hot dogs that's based on recipes for Cincinnati chili this one cuts things right down to the bare necessities, then adds just enough lily-gilding to produce perfection.Īnd let us not forget its miracle healing powers. And then so on down the line.Īnyway, here's my favorite chili recipe, the result of a process of experimentation that began when I was in my teens. anxious.īecause, after all, if one of the top agents in the business - to quote from his site, " every one of his authors has had and will have his/her books on the New York Times or Publisher's Weekly bestseller lists or they are bestselling authors within their genre" - doesn't immediately jump all over my first novel? I may as well give it up, he bleated plaintively.īut if I can't get this guy, I'll try Neil Gaiman's agent. I am within weeks of getting all that out to him. I'll have critiques through the third chapter from both groups by next Monday. Instead, he wants a query, first three chapters, synopsis, and bio all at the same time. (Or at least the first in the list of agents that look good to me.) Based on the experiences of the other tall bald guy with glasses in my Monday night writer's group, I assumed that I'd send a query, then if the response was positive I'd follow that up with the first fifty pages. If not, I'll just have to try something else.Īnd I did some more investigation of the agent I want. The following chili recipe is hopefully a bit closer to the mark. I asked Rob if I could use one of the interior pages to do a set of artist's notes but they were sadly lacking in that Swill touch of obnoxiousness. Because of this particular mix of story lengths they're necessary to achieve a graceful interior composition. Well, the main problem with this issue of Swill is that there are a hell of a lot of interior pages of illustration.